Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Rush Limbaugh Endorses Marijuana

EIB NETWORK OFFICIAL COMMUNIQUE — Controversial Conservative Talk Radio Mogul Rush Limbaugh endorsed medical marijuana legalization on his show Tuesday, and told Internet Chronicle reporters smoking the “Mary Jane” helped him recover after a scandalous opiate addiction. Rush pontificated in front of the golden EIB microphone, “All you listeners out there in flyover country, I know this might scare you a bit, but I wouldn’t have been able to make it through hundreds of shows if it weren’t for the benefits of medical marijuana. When I topped off my cigar with a half gram, all my tremors and cravings for painkillers disappeared. I was able to speak more eloquently than ever, if anything. And when I stopped craving the painkillers, I went back to normal cigars without any withdrawals whatsoever. I know this may come to a shock to some of the people out in the heartland, but Marijuana is a truly miraculous medicine.”

Rush Limbaugh brought Libertarian talk host Neal Boortz onto his show for a discussion about the flaws and merits of legalizing drugs. Rush took the position that mostly harmless and medicinally-oriented drugs like marijuana and possibly MDMA should be legalized, but Boortz pushed for legal recreational use of all drugs. Boortz, exasperated, said “We should be ashamed that we have more prisoners than any other country in the world, and who are we locking up? They’re all drug addicts. They buy and consume drugs. That’ll drive the economy as powerfully as a war, as long as we nationalize the production and retail of the drugs as we do with alcohol and armored humvees. It’s win-win.”


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